Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize