Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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