My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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