Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
