NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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