we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
