So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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