Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
