Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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