Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
