You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
