Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
