12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
