You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
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She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
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It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
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