I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
