It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
