I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
