Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
