haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
