Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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