I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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