I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
