We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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