I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
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I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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