Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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