I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
