I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
