you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
