I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
