Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
