my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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