barbara walters just said penis...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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