Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Your cock deserves a montage
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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