Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
