Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize