I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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