some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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