somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
