grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
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Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
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I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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