Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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