I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
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WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
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I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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