apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This baby is an asshole
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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