wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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