Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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