highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
