I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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