I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
