took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
