wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
BRING THE BAGELS
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
