threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
