Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
