the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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