Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
