how can u be prego again
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
