You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
