Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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