My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
