If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...