You were right. It hurts to walk today.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.