You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
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Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
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Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out