Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
