im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
