boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
