kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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